
2006-06-25, 10:51
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Gargoyle
Another impromptu piece. It wasn't supposed to have perfect syllable count so dont try.
Days shorter
Nights colder
Eyes darker
Heart weaker
Watch him change to stone
Needing as much attention
As a grey statue
In an all grey room
People pass him by
They don't stop to justify
Concrete grows on his outside
But black as tar within grey hide
Someone talks to statue one day
The words bounce off and they walk away
So much ink inside the skin
And people think its concrete consuming him!
They can't be further from the truth
There's reason why he's become mute
Cement is only a certain strength
And multiply his insides black
Loneliness it has no length!
And someone notices a crack
The statue breaks
And all can see
That the grey walls
Surrounding me
Are the least
Of what is wrong
And undetected
I went so long
With nothing there
No reality
Just the black
Consuming me
He just broke
Beyond repair
And all else
Was unaware
How many nails fit into a coffin
How many feet - trample concrete
Days shorter
Nights colder
Eyes darker
Heart weaker
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2006-06-27, 21:09
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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I liked this a lot. The line "And someone notices a crack" gave it a natural break in flow before it started it's crumble which I found really cool. I liked the way you brought around the ending, too. Really neat piece.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2006-06-28, 01:57
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Cheers LB
So much ink inside the skin
And people think its concrete consuming him!
I liked those lines most
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